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Rules of Etiquette

Basic Etiquette

Be yourself – and allow others to treat you with respect

Let this one sink in, ladies. Who you are is perfectly acceptable, and, you are worthyof being treated courteously. Working out the rough edges can be a lifelong process, and now is a really good time to start!

Say “Thank You”

When someone gives you a compliment or does something nice, the best response is a simple “Thank you.” Please also remember, “Please,” “Excuse me,” and “You’re welcome,” which are other marks of good manners.

Give Genuine Compliments

A fundamental rule of good manners is to give. When you meet someone, you can always think of a genuine compliment to give, along with your attention and interest. A “Hello” or “How are you?” is most often not enough. Be generous with sincere words of praise, warm greetings, sympathy, or whatever is appropriate to the occasion.

Don’t be Boastful, Arrogant or Loud

When in polite company, always exercise self-control and good taste. Your voice, your behavior and even your clothing should reflect understated elegance. Please do not brag about accomplishments; a well-mannered person has no need for self-advertisement. Let your deeds speak for themselves.

Listen Before Speaking

Respect for others is a requirement of good manners. Listening to others is a way to show respect. Be genuinely interested in others; learn their names, and encourage them to talk about themselves. Never interrupt. Look them in the eye, and listen carefully.

Speak with Kindness and Caution

Before speaking to others, consider what effect your words will have. Also remember the language of the body (your posture and your mannerisms) is actually more important than the language of words.

Do Not Criticize or Complain

Negativity in any form is to be avoided. Ignore gossip; don’t participate. If you disagree with others, do so respectfully (agree to disagree). Since we all need to vent, reserve your ‘bitch’ sessions to your one or two closest friends/family members….period!

Be Punctual

Appreciate the value of time, yours and others. If you make an appointment, arrive on time. If you must be late, call first. Never arrive early for a social engagement (this is fine in a business setting). Lingering good-byes merely cause frustration and can ruin an otherwise good time. A quick, simple exit at the proper time is usually appreciated.

Do Not Embarrass Others

Demeaning anyone with rude jokes or an unwelcome nickname is disrespectful. In conversation, never ask embarrassing questions about relationships, or asking how much was paid for something (my Grandmother said that discussing money is ‘vulgar!! Funny word, AND she was right…. : D )

Act and Look Your Best

Take time and care in how you present yourself – both in appearance and in manners.

www.Rudebusters.com and www.courtesycounts.org


Etiquette for Gentlemen

In Social Etiquette, I have a secret for you – Women actually WANT to be treated like ladies, even if they aren’t acting like one at the moment. In all things, there are exceptions to the rule. 97% of women will absolutely love being treated in a courteous manner and, while being well-mannered, you may run across one of the 3% of snarlies who will chastise you for being polite. Oh well……..

Business etiquette is a different matter as the social order here is based on power. In this arena, men treat women as their equals, not in a chivalrous manner. Business etiquette is covered below in a separate section.

Social etiquette

Handshake

Look the person in the eye/smile/use a firm grip (not death grip) and a firm wrist (limp is pretty awful) /hold for no more than 2 or 3 seconds

Seating in crowded places

If seating is limited, and you are sitting, offer your seat to a woman who is standing (older woman takes precedence over a young woman)

Note to self – if the young woman is wise, she will offer her seat to the older woman and you may offer your seat to her.

Also appropriate is offering your seat to an older gentleman (before offering it to a younger woman)

Seating in restaurants and parties

Stand until the host/hostess tells you where to sit

Be sure to help the women in the party be seated before you take your own seat

Pull the chair out slightly so they may be seated easily

Help to slide the chair in gently to the table

Opening doors

Open doors for ladies, elders, anyone loaded down with packages

Open car doors for a woman to get into the car and out of the car (you may have to tell the young lady that you will open her door so she doesn’t catapult herself out of the car before you can get around to her side)

Helping with jacket/coat

When you see a lady putting on a coat or jacket, gently hold the coat by the collar/shoulder area and help her put it on (I say gently because women hate their clothes being bunched, scrunched or man-handled – sigh, sad but true)

Offers of help

When you see women doing anything, the following questions are usually always welcome:

May I help you with that?

May I carry that for you?

Coasters (filed under ‘Picky little stuff’)

Before you set a glass/bottle/dish on a table or desk, ask if your host would like you to use a coaster if you don’t see any available

Business Etiquette

Handshake

Look the person in the eye/smile/use a firm grip (not death grip) and a firm wrist (limp is pretty awful)/hold for no more than 2 or 3 seconds

Seating in crowded places

Offer the seat to an individual in a superior position to yours by saying, “Would you like to take this seat?”

Seating in restaurants and parties

Stand until the host/hostess tells you where to sit

Opening doors

Open doors for peers, superiors, clients, or anyone loaded down with items being carried

Coasters

Before you set a glass/bottle/dish on a table or desk, ask if your host would like you to use a coaster if you don’t see any available

 


Etiquette for Ladies

Candace Simpson’s book, “How to be a Lady; A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy”, makes the point that, since society has changed so dramatically over the past 50 years, the definition of a ‘lady’ has left everyone confused.

“A lady in today’s world knows that educating herself in every way possible (higher education to common sense manners) empowers her to become a woman of accomplishment and poise. She knows that it is not her dress size or the size of her bank account that bring her satisfaction in life. A lady knows that beauty and wealth may soon be gone, but her inner character is the measure by which others will ultimately judge her as a person”. Manners have nothing to do with money, or showing anybody that you are better than they are as manners are the exact opposite of that.

Just be nice!

  • Picture a young woman smiling, wearing an elegant dress, jewels and hairstyle
  • Picture her now with a scowl on her face, complaining and being rude to someone. How does your impression of her change?

The most important guideline for being a ‘lady’ is to be kind; choosing to believe the best about others and yourself. The more you act like a lady (kindly) you will notice that this brings out the gentlemanly side of the men in your life.

Strange but true – when you are being kind, you will feel beautiful : D

There will be those in your life who will question this kind behavior that may be new to you. There is nothing that you need to explain.

Source: www.elegantwoman.org

 

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